Finding Hope Page 3

  “It’s tough out there,” said Thomas. “Work is hard to come by and life just ain’t getting any easier. Thank God Hope can use a needle and thread. She’s been in high demand now people can’t afford to buy new things anymore,” Thomas admitted as he neatly arranged the feast on the table.

  “How’s little Julian?” Faith inquired with a concerned look on her face. “Thomas told us he’s not feeling well.”

  “Yeah, he’s been fighting the fevers. With so many people getting sick, it was just a matter of time until he had it too. He had a pretty high fever yesterday, but with every day that passes, he’s getting a little stronger,” Hope said with conviction.

  “I’ve been hearing good things about New Providence, Missouri. It’s a small town two hundred miles east of here. Word has it that they have plenty of food, fuel, and even have the electricity up and running,” Gabe explained, putting his arm around Faith.

  “With a hospital, police station and even water treatment. From what I hear it’s almost a normal life,” Faith added as she snuggled into Gabe’s strong body.

  “It would be nice to get back to normal, but I’m not sure if I even remember what normal looks like anymore,” Hope added. “Can’t even get a doctor here when ya need one.”

  Faith got up from the table and poured the ruby-red wine into four glasses admiring the color and the heady scent. “Wine. Such a basic thing a couple years ago, but now so exotic,” she said as she gave each diner a glass.

  “To old friends and new possibilities,” Gabe said as he lifted his glass to toast. The glasses clinked together as each of the dear friends toasted the days ahead.

  Chapter 3

  Of Love and Loss

  Laughter echoed along the hollow streets of Impel as the last light of the day dove beneath the horizon. Like the North Star, the brightly lit hall cut through the blackness guiding the people of town to the joyous event. Shadows danced across the walls of the giant room as a symphony of voices joined in rhythm and meaning. Excitement, elation, and unbridled enthusiasm soaked the crowd with an energy they could both taste and feel.

  Music swirled while people twirled, able to feast on moments of happiness and the ability to forget their day to day struggles. A giant table off to the side of the great hall was saturated with enough food to feed a small nation. Pickled vegetables, fresh bread and fish, assorted cheese, bean casseroles, cob corn, shelled nuts, and fruit pies of every configuration were stretched across the table like an indoor rainbow. At the center of the overflowing table sat a sight not seen for many years ― a full roasted pig. Children zigzagged among the growing crowd as the band banged their instruments with precision and skill. The tempo of the carnival like music was impossible to resist. Every shoe in the hall bounced to its infectious beat.

  Walking across the crowded floor, Hope smiled and nodded at the many people she recognized.

  “This is amazing!” Thomas shouted, trying to be heard over the noise of the room. “I can’t believe how many people are here. What do ya think Gabe, simply amazing, huh?”

  Faith held on tight to Gabe’s hand as they weaved through the crowd. “We’re gonna go get something to eat,” Gabe said to Thomas pulling Faith closely behind him. “We’ll catch up with you guys in a minute. Find a place to sit… if you can,” Faith yelled pushing her tender voice to its limit.

  As Faith and Gabe plowed through the crowd like squirrels through the tall grass, Thomas and Hope walked to the stage. Looking for a place to sit, they spotted a small two top next to the wall.

  “Follow me,” Hope urged as she dashed for the one remaining table. Hope sat down while Thomas leaned against the wall clearly leaving the other chair for Faith.

  “How cool is this! Everyone’s here,” Thomas said as he surveyed the hall.

  Several minutes later Faith and Gabe returned with their plates stacked high with hot steamy food.

  “Hold our spot. Tommy, let’s get some food,” Hope said pulling his sleeve.

  “Not just yet. It’s been too long since we’ve danced. If you’d do me the honors,” Thomas said as he led Hope to the dance floor.

  Colors splashed on their faces as they laughed and shook. The steaminess of the room gathered like fine pools along Hope’s perfectly formed neck and shoulders. Her wavy red hair caught the light from the torches that had been strategically placed to light up the hall. Hues of crimson and purple sparkled in her hair as it loosely fell around her face and back. She was beautiful in the evening air. The torches burned in the spring night and so did Thomas’ love for Hope.

  “It’s wonderful to be here with you free from all our worries,” Hope said as they left the dance floor. “Sometimes, it’s nice to forget.”

  Hope sat down as Thomas went to gather up the delicious food. “Hope Brennan, is that you?” the voice with no face beckoned. Moments later Mr. Saunders emerged from behind a crowd of teenagers. “It is you! What a sight for sore eyes. How are you dear?” Mr. Saunders asked as he stepped close to the small table.

  “Hello John, it’s so nice to see you. Isn’t this amazing?” Hope said with perspiration matting down her bangs. “Do you know Gabe and Faith?”

  Mr. Saunders leaned over extending his hand. “Of course I do. It’s nice to see you both on this wonderful evening,” Mr. Saunders continued. Mr. Saunders was one of the first people Hope had met when she came to town over ten years ago when Hope was twenty-seven years old. He was the only pastor in the small town of Impel leading the Lutheran church in the center of town. He was always so kind to her.

  As Hope became friends with Mr. Saunders she also befriended his wife, Gladys. They treated her as family and helped her acclimate into town eventually introducing her to Thomas.

  “Where’s Thomas?” the older man asked.

  “He went to get our food, but should be back in a second. I know he’ll want to say hi if you can wait a moment,” Hope replied putting her hand on his blotchy and wrinkled arm.

  “I wish I could, but Gladys says she needs ice tea. I better get moving before she gets in a huff,” Mr. Saunders explained as he smiled kindly. “It was so nice to see you, and I’ll make sure to find Thomas a bit later. By the way, I sure hope your playin' tonight. Are we that lucky?”

  Hope sat up straight and scrunched her nose replying to her old friend, “Playing what?” They all laughed for a moment before Mr. Saunders disappeared back into the sea of people.

  As the band played on, joyous tones enveloped the crowd like waves of sugary air from a candy factory. Faces beamed with great expectations as the community tried its best to heal.

  “Look who I found,” Thomas announced with the booming voice of a circus ring master.

  Hope jumped to her feet seeing her old friend, and said, “Cal, oh my god! How are you?” The expressions on everyone’s face confirmed the importance of the situation as his wife, Helen, stood gently holding his weak, dry hands.

  “Hope, you’re looking lovely tonight. I’m doing much better although I’m still a little shaky,” Cal answered in a subdued tone. “It’s great to see all you guys having so much fun tonight. What a beautiful spring evening for this too. We’re truly lucky.” Cal looked frail and boney compared to the others in the hall. He had lost some hair due to the fevers making his silver curls quite thin. Despite the fact that his face was gaunt and hollow, his eyes shone with optimism and hope.

  “Are you stayin’ the entire evening?” Hope asked shyly. “I’ll be playing later tonight.”

  Cal smiled and leaned forward as he tenderly put his bony hand on the side of Hope’s head and said, “Of course I am.”

  As the band’s glorious tapestry faded to a quiet march, the town’s Mayor, Mr. DeGringolade, began to talk. He spoke about the night’s festivities, those who contributed, and the future of Impel.

  As the portly Mayor did his best to remain important, Gabe turned to Thomas and Hope. “I think Faith and I might head to New Providence in a couple weeks. Things are getting scary at home. La
st month an entire family was butchered during a home invasion in the middle of the day,” Gabe explained as he looked at his feet. Clearly Gabe felt like a failure as he and Faith had decided to run away and abandoned his father’s farm.

  Faith, feeling Gabe’s embarrassment, jumped in adding, “It’s just a chance to start over and not just survive, but thrive.”

  Thomas put his hand on Gabe’s shoulder and said, “I completely understand. There’s no reason to feel bad though. We’ll make it a point to visit every chance we can.” They both looked at each other, completely aware the two hundred mile journey to New Providence was a one way trip. “Let’s talk more later. Tonight’s a night for celebration!” Thomas declared putting his arm around his lifelong friend as if they were brothers.

  People ate, sang, and danced as the night rolled along like a brightly colored carnival ride. The stream of performers rolled across the stage as the satisfied crowd savored each performance. Pure exuberance was painted on the faces of the onlookers as their friends and family showcased their personal brand of entertainment. Poetry, juggling, skits, and music made up the eclectic mix of talent. Throughout the night the audience was completely entertained.

  The time had come and Hope was being called to the stage. “Hello everyone,” Hope said in her usual quite voice. “The song I’m singing tonight is written by a guy named John Darnielle. It’s called 'John 4:16'.” Hope began to strum the guitar as her nimble fingers danced across the fret board, picking each note with precision. The sound reverberated around inside the instrument, producing pure and honest tones. She began to sing. Hope closed her eyes and escaped to private places, as the flickering of torch light set the mood. Hope’s tender voice took on strength and power as she continued.

  Hope pulled the guitar closer to her body as the chords bled out their melancholy progression. She actually felt her father’s presence as she played his old guitar with perfection. While silence swept across the mass of people, Hope strummed her final progression. Looking up at the multitude, she concluded the song repeating the final chorus acappella. The breathless groups of spectators were left speechless as moments slipped by in awe. Acting as one, the crowd erupted into applause at what they just witnessed. People rose to their feet, with their faces revealing the emotional impact of Hope’s performance.

  The dazzling starlight from the galaxy’s furthest reaches lit the tree tops ablaze as blackness saturated the streets and buildings. All of creation, revealed in plain view, remained unnoticed as the town of Impel scurried home after their joyous event.

  “That was amazing, Hope. It makes me so proud to see you play. I actually cried when you were singing,” Thomas said as he walked in darkness with his favorite girl. “You blew everyone away, including me. It’s like you were trying to tell us something that we just couldn’t understand. It felt like you were patiently waiting for us to realize the urgency of your message. I don’t know how you do it.”

  Hope modestly walked in silence. “Yeah, I felt it too. I heard my voice tremble when I was singing those lines. I’m just glad I didn’t fall apart,” Hoped added breaking the silence.

  “Faith and Gabe asked to hear a couple more songs tomorrow if that’s OK. They’d forgotten how moving your voice can be. They’re going to come over tomorrow afternoon once they’re done helping Faith’s brother with his roof. They’ll probably be staying with us a couple more days if that’s OK,” Thomas asked knowing Hope wouldn’t mind.

  Hope grabbed Thomas’s hand and said, “They can stay as long as they need. It’s wonderful having them around.”

  As they reached their street, they could hear a commotion in the silent night air. Through the blackness they noticed a few lanterns lighting up the windows of their small apartment.

  “I hope Missy isn’t still up with Julian. It’s almost eleven-thirty,” Hope said hiding her concern.

  As they walked closer to the entrance of the hardware store, an urgent voice hung on the night breeze. “Julian! Look at me! It’s gonna be fine, just hold on. It will pass,” Missy pleaded.

  Fear exploded in the bottom of Hope’s chest and escalated consuming every inch of her small body. Thomas had also reacted to Missy’s pleas with a call to action in the true spirit of fatherhood. Hope and Thomas dashed through the night to the front door of the building. With the agility of finely tuned athletes, both parents were at their son’s bedside moments later. As they looked upon their son, they witnessed a violent and electric display of movement.

  Missy jumped to her feet saying, “HE’S HAVING A SEIZURE!”

  Hope fell on her young boy and embraced him with a tender firmness to subdue the shaking. “He’s on fire,” Hope screamed as Thomas struggled to understand the situation.

  “What’s happening Missy?” Thomas howled like a wild animal in a complete panic.

  “He was fine all night accept for his high fever. He wanted to sleep, but I checked on him every twenty minutes,” Missy yelled. “…about thirty minutes ago I heard him fall out of bed. When I came in here, he was shaking and couldn’t talk.”

  Hope cried out, “HE’S BLEEDING!”

  Thomas ran to the side of the bed and forcefully turned Julian’s small head. “He’s biting his tongue,” Thomas shouted as he put his finger between the hungry teeth to stop Julian from biting through his small tongue.

  “He’s had three seizures before you got here. I’m so sorry,” Missy bellowed, sobbing uncontrollably. “I was alone and didn’t know what to do!”

  Thomas quickly removed the boy’s shirt and pants to try to cool his scalding body. The violence of the motion began to subside as Hope cradled her naked child in her arms.

  “WE NEED TO COOL HIM NOW!” Hope commanded. “GO GET HELP! TOM, FIND SOMEBODY!”

  Thomas ran to the door and went to find help with one singular thought racing through his mind, help from whom? Thomas ran down the stairs to get Helen. She’d know what to do he thought to himself. She had just helped Cal fight and win his battle against the fever. He pounded on the door, but nobody answered. He kicked in the door shouting out Helen’s name, but nobody was home. Knowing he had to find help, Thomas ran out of the hardware store and into the night to find someone for his only son.

  Hope looked deep into her baby’s eyes fixed upon her gaze. “It’s OK baby. Daddy went to get help,” Hope said terrified by Julian’s pale face and bloodshot eyes. She felt Julian’s small muscles tense with rage as the seizures began again.

  “GET TOM,” Hope cried out knowing he was gone. The seizures slapped and kicked with a wildness Hope had never seen before. She kept her eyes fixed on her baby, staring into his eyes that screamed with pain.

  “I LOVE YOU JULIAN! IT’S OK! MOMMY’S HERE!” Hope wailed into the horrible night. Hope remained focused on his young eyes as the terror slowly faded into a vacant, empty stare. She felt his life slip though her fingers like sand returning to the cold earth.

  Hope sat broken, her young child’s body in her lap. She carefully shut Julian’s eyes as tears streamed down her face. The familiar waves of loss enveloped Hope completely. Missy stood dumfounded at what she’d just seen. Although she wasn’t to blame, she couldn’t help but feel responsible. She slowly moved to Hope’s side and knelt beside her.

  “I’m so sorry Hope. I love you and Julian so much. I should have done something. I’m sorry,” Missy sobbed expressing her broken heart. “I’ll always be here for you if you ever need anything.”

  Missy walked to the door understanding the true impact of events. As she turned and looked at Hope and Julian one last time, a small part of her died. Hope never saw Missy again.

  Time froze as Hope sat with her son. Images of his first steps played across her mind as she wept. She played out the quiet times she spent with her boy. Thinking back, Hope remembered that day when sunlight poured in through the front window. Julian was three years old and full of smiles. On this day, Hope was struggling to find meaning. Food was difficult to come by and the cupboards w
ere often bare. It had been seven days since they had soap, so their physical deterioration was adding to Hope’s emotional stress. Her life lacked purpose during this dark time in her memory.

  Hope knew she needed to give Julian a bath, so she borrowed a bar of soap from Helen and Cal. The town’s water supply had just run out so the plumbing had stopped functioning. Water was still available, but only from the hand pumps in the town park six blocks away. Thomas was gone looking for food with a small group from town. Hope had to haul the two five-gallon bucket the six blocks all by herself. This was a difficult chore for her small frame, but Hope pushed forward knowing what needed to be done.

  Sloshing and splashing all the way home, Hope lugged the two pails nearly to the top of the stairs when she slipped on some of the spilling water. Hope lost her balance and fell to her knees as the buckets tumbled down the stairs. Out of sheer frustration, Hope broke down. As she sat there in self-pity, she felt a small hand patting her back.

  “It… ok… Mommy,” Julian said with his new vocabulary of thirty words. “We… get more, me and you.”

  As Hope turned to see her baby boy’s innocent smile and hopeful eyes, she knew she had to find the strength to push on for him.

  Suddenly Thomas crashed through the front door as Hope sat in pain. “I couldn’t find anyone! Nobody’s around! Everyone is still at the social!” Thomas shouted as tears of sweat bled from his forehead and streamed down his frightened face. “Let’s take Julian to the hospital in New Providence! The one Faith was talking about. They’ll know what to do.”

  As Thomas caught his breath, he began to realize what had happened. Hope was stretched out with her head against the wall with Julian lying across her chest. She was stroking his hair as she cried.

  Thomas felt a knot form in his throat as sorrow swept through his soul creating a void where memories of Julian once played. He crumbled into a mound of sadness on the floor of his home. “Hope, no… Julian’s sleeping OK… right? Tell me he’s sleeping… He’s not… I mean, he didn’t… Hope, please no!” Thomas stuttered.