Finding Hope Read online

  Hope continued to lay beneath her son’s body without saying a word.

  “He can’t be!” Thomas groaned. “It’s not fair! HE’S SLEEPING, RIGHT? HOPE! TELL ME HE’S SLEEPING.”

  Hope remained quiet as she spent her last moments with her son. “I don’t believe it! I won’t belie… Did we check his pulse?” Thomas exclaimed crawling to his wife and boy. “Let me check his pulse.”

  As Thomas tenderly put his fingers on his son’s neck to look for life, he realized Julian was gone. His face contracted as small muscles along the skull and jawbone flexed in agony. He then took his hand and slid it along Julian’s chest to the place just above the heart to remove any remaining doubt from his mind. Hope and Thomas sat together on the floor and cried into the iniquitous night.

  The sun rose and set on the tiny town as people tried to recover from the loss of one of their own. Hope continued to struggle deeply. She wore the unbearable weight of the loss like a burden on her shoulders. Every waking moment was spent with Julian on her mind. She cradled his memory like she once did when he was in her arms. She knew all she had left were the memories of her son, and over time the weight of the pain would become bearable. She held his memory close and tucked him in her pocket like another small stone. Hope knew she’d carry these memories the rest of her life.

  Thomas struggled as well, but without the strength to find perspective. He withdrew, haunted by his failure as a father. He wanted to forget, but the memories were scratched into his soul. Thomas was lost.

  The summer moon slid slowly behind clouds filled with sadness as it began to rain softly. Thomas and Gabe sat in the small apartment with candles lighting their surroundings while Hope and Faith were fast asleep on the couch. Silence filled the room like a dense fog choking out all conversation.

  “Tommy, you have to talk to someone,” Gabe said trying to look into his eyes. “We all love you, but you need to talk.”

  It had been three weeks since Julian had passed, and Thomas had completely shut down, deeply shattered. Gabe and Faith had decided to stay with their dear friends to help them in their time of need.

  “Hope needs you man. She’s falling apart.” Gabe added as he slid his chair closer to Thomas.

  “I know, but I can’t,” Thomas said in a flat and emotionless tone. “I just want to be alone.”

  “But Tom, you don’t have to be alone. We’re here for you guys. You just have to let us in,” Gabe explained as he grabbed Thomas’s arm. “I can only imagine what you guys are going through, but you can’t forget that you have friends who love you.”

  “I know you want to help, and you’re like a brother to me, but you’ll never understand,” Thomas said as he pulled his arm from Gabe. “My life ended that horrible night. I just want to be alone. I’m going to bed.”

  Thomas stood up and quietly walked to the back room. “Tommy wait, we need to talk,” Gabe continued waving his lifelong friend back to the table.

  “I can’t Gabe. Maybe tomorrow I’ll feel a little better. We’ll talk then,” Thomas promised as he disappeared into the dark.

  Gabe sat back in his chair and nodded at Thomas, “OK, tomorrow we’ll talk.”

  The crisp morning air settled in around the town as the songbirds sang their perfectly tuned hymns. Warmth and life filled the apartment windows as Hope opened her eyes. “I miss Julian,” she thought to herself as if by instinct.

  Noticing that Hope had woken up, Faith smiled and said, “Good morning girl. Looks like another sunny day.” Faith rolled over and nudged Gabe who was sleeping on the floor. “Gabe, it’s beautiful out… let’s go for a walk,” Faith said playfully poking Gabe’s sleepy head. “I’m really hungry. Let’s go down to the market.”

  “Okay, okay… we’ll go, but only so Tommy and Hope can have time to themselves,” Gabe said half yawning.

  When Gabe and Faith closed the front door, Hope sat up feeling the sun on her back. The memory of Julian was ever present in her mind, but today it was somehow less smothering.

  Hope stood, and walked into the kitchen to get more water. She quietly sipped the clear, fresh liquid they’d hauled up the stairs to the apartment just a day prior. Hope drank the room temperature liquid, noticing a pile scattered paperwork and clothing left on the table. She casually walked by the mess back into the single bedroom. Hope opened the door to the back room, but Thomas wasn’t there. “Hmm, he must have gotten up to get some breakfast,” she mumbled to herself as if someone else was in the room. Hope went to the bathroom to freshen up her face. The water felt cool on her skin as she washed away the dust from the day before. “Another day Hope, just keep moving on,” she grumbled looking back at the dark circles under her eyes. Hope sat down to pee.

  Walking back into the kitchen, Hope noticed the clothes on the table more closely. They were things she had bought Thomas over the years. The t-shirts, hats, and other assorted items all sat neatly on the table, folded with care. There were also a few empty picture frames where photographs had once lived. All that remained were spaces left from missing images of better times. The paperwork she noticed earlier was also strangely out of place. These were things from her life like her birth certificate, legal documents, and other important items all stacked in a deliberate pile. She then found the note.

  My dearest Hope,

  I’m sorry I’m not a stronger man. You deserve so much more than what I’ve become. By the time you see this letter, I’ll be on my own. That’s the only way I can move on. I need to forget. Everything here reminds me of Julian, and I hate it. I hate that I couldn’t stop what happened that night. I hate myself for needing to let go. I hate myself most for doing this to you now. You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever known, and now I’ve become a shell of who I once was. I hope you find happiness in this world, and I know you will. If I were to stay, I would drag you down where I need to go. I couldn’t do that to you. I need to forget, and with you, I doubt I ever could. You’re my best friend, and I’m so sorry that I have to go. Stay with Gabe and Faith. They’re good people. I love you more than you’ll ever know.

  Tom

  Hope became frantic. She couldn’t believe what she was reading. It all overwhelmed her to the point that she became lightheaded. Hope desperately tried to process the events taking place. A sense of disconnection surged through her small body as she walked back into the living room. Images blurred as the sounds of life outside became hollow. She fell down upon the sofa and went to back to sleep.

  Chapter 4

  The Burning Sky

  At the time of Julian’s birth, six years prior, the country was locked in a cycle of corruption and great opulence. The division between the wealthy and the poor was greater than any time in history. Unemployment was at an all-time high, discouraging many to leave the workforce entirely. Educated young adults were left with tens of thousands of dollars in student loan debt without the ability to find work. Darkness fell upon the people as their elected officials grew detached from the very one’s they serve.

  Corruption proved rampant as senators and congressmen aligned themselves with global corporations fueled by profit and greed. The established few offered candidates who were bought and paid for guaranteeing more of the same. The political party lines blurred as the globalist pulled the strings. Strong local leadership was subverted by the powerful central planners. This new hybrid system stoked the fires of global power and local dissent.

  “I’m sorry to bother you sir, but there’s another fax for you,” the young man said sheepishly.

  “You know the drill Matt. Tell them you couldn’t get it to me on time. I have ninety minutes before I speak. Last thing I’m going to do is worry about the poll data,” the man said as he read from a pile of mail from his supporters.

  “Mr. Howard, headquarters told me it’s critical that I get this to you. They would like you to focus on the current state of manufacturing and unemployment. The data shows people are responding well considering China’s press release regarding
the Yuan,” Matt explained as he urged the importance of the data. “They made me promise I’d get it to you.”

  Mr. Howard looked up from his stack of mail with his steal blue eyes and exquisitely honest face. “Hogwash! This is my campaign and I know what the people want. They’ve been emailing, calling, and getting in my face talking about jobs. That’s what they need. I don’t care what the polls say,” Mr. Howard said firmly with a smirk on his face. “If there was a bendy straw crisis this week, I’m sure they’d put it in a fax if it polled well. I’m still in this thing because the other guys are leading the country from polls.”

  “Calm down Paul, he’s just doing his job,” a soft voice said from the attached room.

  “I know he is Lori, but I’m getting tired of people trying to tell me where I stand.”

  Mr. Paul Howard was a tall, slender man in his late fifties with silver, flowing hair. He had been married to his wife Lori for over thirty of those years. Being an avid runner, he was in excellent shape for his age. He was a rare type of politician who spoke his mind and understood the system. He had built a legacy on firmly rooted principles with a solid understanding of economics and global affairs. His wife Lori was always by his side. Despite the fact that she’d struggled for many years with health issues, she was his rock. Mr. Howard was a good man with an even greater wife.

  “Mr. Howard, we need to head down in ten minutes, OK?” Matt said as he smiled believing in his candidate.

  Lori walked over to Mr. Howard and began to straighten his tie while saying, “Alright Paul, remember don’t get too angry when the others don’t understand the issues. Just keep smiling. This is a big debate tonight.”

  Mr. Howard leaned in close to his loyal companion and gave her a tender kiss. He smiled at his dear wife and said, “Thanks Honey, you keep me focused on what’s important.”

  Mr. Howard grabbed a drink of water and followed the other men to the door. “Wait, my boy! Where’s my boy?” Mr. Howard shouted as if he was in pain. “…Can’t leave without some good luck from Isaac.”

  At that moment, a thin boy with curly red hair joined his father from across the hotel suite. “Go get ‘em Dad,” Isaac yelled giving his dad a high five, “…Show ‘em who they’re messin’ with!” Mr. Howard beamed like a child as he walked out of the room.

  “How do you think Dad will do tonight?” Isaac asked his mother as he grabbed a book and sat on the bed.

  “He’s full of pep tonight so I’m sure he’ll do great,” Lori replied. “How are you doing? Sorry we missed the last few weeks of school.”

  Isaac peered at his mother with his youthful green eyes and responded, “Just don’t let it happen again.” They both laughed as his mother prepared to watch the debate from the hotel room.

  Isaac was fifteen years old and had no interest in politics. What he did love, was his father and all the knowledge he possessed. Anytime Isaac had a question, his father knew the answer. He was fascinated when his father spoke about history and the forming of his great country. His father gave another perspective to the stories he heard in school about the founding fathers, state and federal government, and the country’s role in the world. He had learned so much from his dad and aimed to emulate him someday.

  The door knocked in a familiar pattern Isaac had heard many times before. “Mom, Jason wants to check out the hotel lobby. We’ll be back in an hour. OK?” Isaac asked his mother Lori.

  “Yeah that’s fine, but be back before the debate is over. Your dad will want to talk about how it went,” Lori explained as the debate began on the glowing TV.

  It was common for Isaac to travel with his dad as he campaigned. They even brought tutors when the trips lasted more than a couple weeks. Jason was the sixteen year old son of Mr. Howard’s campaign manager, and Isaac had become good friends with him.

  They had traveled together many times before. Although he normally wouldn’t hang out with Jason, he was one of the kids who was always around. Jason was a year older than Isaac, but was daring and confident well beyond his years. Compared to Isaac’s more reserved nature, Jason offered a sense of danger and mischief missing in his young life.

  “Let’s get outta here,” Jason whispered as he fled the parental supervision.

  “Don’t run! And be back in an hour,” Isaac heard his mother say as he followed Jason down the hall. They broke free into the hotel lobby as quickly as their teenage legs would carry them. They collapsed on the lonely furniture in the large hotel lobby content to watch the travelers pass by as they check in.

  “Now that looks nice, look at her tits… I’d love to hit that,” Jason said peering at a hotel guest who was well beyond his years. “Dare me to go talk to her?”

  “Shut up dude, she’s obviously looking at me,” Isaac replied adjusting his shirt collar.

  “I could show her a thing or two,” Jason said in a voice way too loud for the quiet space.

  Embarrassed, Isaac laughed and said, “Dude they probably know we’re here with the campaign. Not so loud.”

  “Hey let’s get out of here. Let’s go check outside,” Jason said pushing his young concubine. They ran out into the street and into the evening air. The smell of exhaust and garbage filled their tender noises. The great city of Atlanta, Georgia filled their view as they went to discover life. “Just around the block,” Jason said. “Don’t be such a wimp.”

  Before Isaac could answer, Jason was already on his way. Isaac stood and soaked in the newly found freedom and surrounding civilization. The lights and sounds of traffic all around him gave the sense of safety and assurance. As they walked down Courtland Street, Isaac noticed the variety of people who made this area home.

  Up against the wall of the corner market sat a small group of people who looked sad and alone. Their clothes were torn, and they looked as if it’s been days since they’ve bathed. They were politely asking strangers for spare change. Isaac recognized the empty expressions of these people as they struggled to live. He noticed one young woman especially. She was young, maybe twenty five years old, and she had beautiful eyes full of despair. She was un-kempt and unhappy as she shuffled from person to person. She had a young child with her as she begged. Her young boy was about eight years old. He sat patiently as her mother made her living. Isaac could see the desperation in the child’s eyes that remained hidden from the people on the street. He looked hungry, cold, and without hope. Every couple of minutes, the boy’s mother would walk over and give him a kiss on his head. Isaac knew this was because she really loved her boy and felt terrible for the situation she’d put them in.

  “Look at the bums,” Jason said with contemp. “Get a job!”

  Isaac felt mortified by the actions of his friend. “Dude shut up! You don’t know them. Haven’t you been listening to your dad? There are no jobs,” Isaac replied with as much compassion as a fifteen year old could muster. “Leave ‘em alone.”

  “I bet they’re just lazy and want free shit from the rest of us,” Jason continued as he raised his voice so the desperate panhandlers could hear.

  “Dude I’m leaving! You’re embarrassing and being rude,” Isaac said fighting the peer pressure of youth.

  “Don’t be so lame. You know these parasites are wreckin’ the country,” Jason said becoming angry at Isaac’s stand. “Fine, let’s just go.”

  As they walked down the busy urban street, they became dazzled by the rainbow of neon. They moved forward like flies to fly paper, oblivious to the dangers in modern life.

  “Let’s get some ice cream. All I’ve been eating is fufu fish and vegi-trays. I neeeeeed sugar,” Jason complained.

  They snuck into the busy café trying not to be noticed by the urban dwellers. Upon getting their creamy treats the two boys sat down in the darkened room.

  “Ah, frozen yogurt with fruit, sprinkles, and fudge. The world’s crackin’ up but the treats almost make it worthwhile,” Jason said as he lapped up his desert.

  “Sure looks like you’re OK with it. Ya go
t it all over your chin, ya slob,” Isaac replied with mixed emotions of annoyance and admiration. “Don’t you care what you look like?”

  Jason grabbed one of the napkins Isaac had taken and said, “Who cares, we don’t know any of these losers.”

  They sat and ate, talking about past trips they’d been on and people they knew. In the small urban café they stuck out like farmers in a law office.

  “Wait here, I want to get something for later. My mom never lets me get this stuff. I want to sneak some back,” Isaac said trying to be like Jason. “I’ll be back in a second.”

  As Isaac left to go to the counter, Jason sat and finished his frozen yogurt. Sipping the remaining bits he noticed the people in the café more closely. The surroundings were busy and vibrant. It looked like a scene pulled directly from a Hollywood movie, but somehow it was different. The room was full – tables packed with strangers aligned in small groups, living and laughing together. Despite the company they shared, each individual seemed distracted and alone. Each interaction seemed shallow and nobody was engrossed in conversation. Every minute or two, Jason noticed everyone was looking away texting or surfing on their mobile devices. The room appeared surreal as the low light and candles were cheapened by glowing blue light coming from LCD screens that were concealed in everyone’s lap. The scene was ridiculous. These disconnected people looked like small children telling a horror stories with flashlights under their chins, but much more pitiful. Jason wondered to himself, who are all these people were talking to? Was there someplace they’d rather be?

  “Alright let’s get out of here and head back. My mom’s gonna be looking for me soon,” Isaac said holding a little white bag full of goodies.

  As they walked back to the hotel, Jason couldn’t shake the image of the disconnected customers. All around him he saw people completely oblivious to the wonder of life as they slid their fingers across their mobile screens. He couldn’t quite figure out what he was feeling, but the image was seared into his sixteen year old mind.