Finding Hope Read online

  Hope jumped to her feet thrilled to see her old friend. “Faith my dear, how are you?” Hope asked casting her work to the side. “I was hoping you’d come by.” Hope walked over to her dearest friend and embraced her filling with nostalgia.

  “Can you believe we’ve gotten orders for over two thousand new radios since the station went live? People are really into it,” Hope said beaming with contentment. “Such a small thing is making such a huge difference.”

  “It’s fantastic Hope, and so are you,” Faith replied with an uncomfortable tone. “Hey, Gabe and I were meaning to talk to you the other day, but the timing didn’t seem right.”

  Hope stepped back sensing something was coming she didn’t want to hear. “What is it Faith? Are you and Gabe alright? If you need something you know I’m here for you,” Hope said as she reached for her dear friend’s hand.

  “No, it’s nothing like that. Gabe and I have just been talking, and well… we’re not happy. There’s some work Gabe’s been hearing about, and he thinks it be a good move for him, well, for us actually,” Faith explained holding Hope’s hand tightly. “We’re moving to Portland. We just don’t fit in around here, at least not like you do. Gabe’s job is a mess, and I’ve been written up twice. Everyone loves you. A new husband, friends, you’re doing so great.”

  Hope turned pale from the words she was hearing. “Faith, not now, we’re just starting to get things going. You guys can’t leave. We’re family,” Hope said as the blood left her skin.

  “I know Hope. This is hard for us too, but it seems to be the right move. It’s not like we’re dying. We’ve just got to move on,” Faith said as she began to cry.

  The two women stood and wept, aware that the world had different plans for them both. They embraced again, holding on to each other, knowing that this chapter in their lives had come to an end.

  The following few months were difficult for Hope as she thought about Gabe and Faith constantly. The feelings of loss also rekindled the memories of Julian and Thomas. Remembering her burden, she felt the weight of the metaphorical stones in her pocket she carried with her every day. Although the memories had faded, the despair remained. Now that Gabe and Faith had left her, she felt all alone. Despite the pain welling in her soul, she found solace in Mika and Joy, determined to push on.

  The mercantile continued to grow, now selling Hope’s goods all across the Midwest. Raincoats, sweaters, and winter jackets were all neatly packaged up and shipped by rail to destinations around the region. Joy too was doing very well. She had really grown into her role as manager of the mercantile freeing up Mr. Begich to focus on advertising for the store and growing the town’s new radio station. Life in New Providence was getting better and better as each week passed.

  “Hey hon, I’m home,” Hope said as she walked into her beautiful home. “Mika? Hello, anyone home?”

  From the basement down stairs, Mika replied. “Hey babe, I’ll be up in a second.”

  Moments later, the strong tall man walked into the kitchen where Hope was putting away the food she had picked up on her way home. “Hi honey, how was your day?” Mika asked as he put his heavy arms around Hope’s fine shoulders.

  “Today was wonderful! Orders are really filling up. We’re gonna to be busy for the next several months. Plus Mr. Begich is planning a summer picnic in a couple weeks to thank the town for their support. That should be fun,” Hope said giggling like a child.

  “That will be fun. Will it be catered or can people bring things?” Mika asked hoping he could bring his famous dish. He was well known for his Bademjan Borani, an eggplant and yogurt dip, with roasted lamb.

  “I’m pretty sure Mr. Begich will have it catered, but you can bring your dip if you like,” Hope replied knowing how much her husband loves to cook. “He’s asked me to play again. I just have to figure out what song.”

  Mika shuffled over to the icebox to grab another hard cider. As he often did, he purchased two crates of the sweet, heady beverage earlier that day. “Well I’m sure you’ll think of something,” Mika said feeling the effects of the cider in his belly. “You may want to choose something mellower for the picnic. You know something like background music.”

  Hope felt a strange air settle into the conversation with her husband. “Yeah, but I think they want me to sing and perform. I can try to find something slower paced. Is that what you’re talking about?” Hope asked trying to understand Mika’s comment.

  Mika quickly finished off the icy cool hard cider saying, “Whatever you think is best. We just want to remember the reason for the picnic is to thank the people of town. The focus should be on them. I just think it would be best to be low key about the whole thing.” Hope watched as her husband grab another alcoholic drink from the ice box.

  “Do you think people don’t want to hear me sing?” Hope asked struggling to understand.

  “No, that’s not it. It’s just that you’re so amazing, it kind of takes the attention off the event. You become the center of everyone’s focus. I guess it makes me a little uncomfortable, but you enjoy it so much I don’t want to stop you,” Mika replied trying to dance around the topic.

  “Well honey, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. I don’t have to play at all if you think that’s best,” Hope answered surprised at the offer she was proposing.

  “All I know is that I love to hear you play. As long as you play for me, that’s all that matters,” Mika said with a huge loving grin on his face.

  “Well, I can tell Mr. Begich that I can’t play this time, and whenever you want me to play for you, just let me know,” Hope offered her wonderful and amazing husband.

  Mika never did ask Hope to play for him as the guitar sat dusty and out of tune deep in the closet from that day on.

  “Good morning Joy. How’s my favorite girl?” Hope said as she sat down to sort through the stack of orders.

  “Hey Hope, we’ve been super busy today. Is it OK if I take a quick break now that you’re here?” Joy asked eager to step away from the counter. “I want to go down and see Alec. He said he bought me something, and I’m dying to see what it is.”

  “No problem, but try to be back in thirty minutes if you can. I need to run down to the train station this morning. I’m waiting on the material for my new line of jackets, and it should be here before noon,” Hope said smiling at her best friend.

  “Thanks Hope, I’ll be back in before you know it,” Joy promised as she ran out the door.

  A couple weeks back, Joy started seeing a local boy named Alec. Alec was the son of the City Administrator. Mr. Begich had arranged the meeting after a discussion with the boy’s father several weeks ago. Joy and Alec hit it off. About the same age, they had many things in common. He was polite and kind and really enjoyed being with Joy. Joy liked him too, but she didn’t feel the same connection. Like any young girl, she really liked the attention from Alec and enjoyed the times they spent together.

  While Joy was away on break, Hope dove into working the remaining material she had. Sewing always took her away to a distant place where she was alone. She thought back to a time when everything was much simpler. Times when she and Thomas would travel the country like royalty going to far away, exotic places. She thought of Julian and the times she spent breast feeding the tiny child. She thought about the future and dreams she had for him full of opportunity and joy. She thought of his smile, his smell, and the way he called her Mommy. She thought of her dad and the sadness she felt when he left this world. And her mom who she knew she’d never see again. She hated herself for how she had treated her mother. Being a teenager at the time, she never felt like it was her fault, but she hated herself none the less for what had happened. And the boy, she’ll never forget the little baby boy back in Ocean City blemished by the mistakes she won’t forgive herself for.

  The front door crashed loudly as Joy rushed in full of young affection. “Hope! Look at this. Have you ever seen anything so beautiful,” Joy said clutching the sparkling n
ecklace around her neck. “Real rubies! Can you believe it?” Nestled in the curves of Joy’s feminine neck laid a thin silver chain with several small colorful stones.

  “It’s gorgeous Joy! Did Alec give you that?” Hope asked wondering where the young boy had gotten jewelry.

  “He did. He’s so sweet. I’ve never had real rubies before,” Joy exclaimed admiring the sparkles of fire in the morning sunlight. “I feel kind of bad though. I don’t know if I feel that way about him.”

  Hope could see in Joy’s young eyes the struggle she had felt before. It was if events were moving her in a direction where she didn’t want to go.

  “Do you not like him Joy? He seems like such a sweet boy,” Hope said as she closed the front door that was still open.

  “I do and I don’t, I think. It’s hard to tell. He’s nice, and I think he’s cute, but he can be bossy sometimes. I just want to be free, and he wants to spend all his time with me. Mr. Begich sure seems to like him. He’s always telling me how perfect Alec is for me and how boys like him are pretty rare. I’ve heard him even talking to Alec’s dad about marriage,” Joy said feeling kind of guilty. “I don’t care right now, look at this beautiful necklace.”

  Hope smiled knowing the dilemma Joy was experiencing.

  As the days passed, Hope began to settle back into her life. Autumn had arrived and the town was well fed from the record harvest and the money flowing into New Providence. One evening, when Hope returned after a long day of work, she found Mika sitting in their living room asleep.

  “Hey Mika, I got some more of that apple bread you like so much,” Hope said as she cleared the empty cider bottles from their kitchen table.

  “Hello my beautiful bride, where’ve you been all day?” Mika said stumbling a bit while trying to sit down at the table.

  “You know I had to work today. I see you entertained yourself with cider while I was gone,” Hope said smiling as she cracked an alcoholic beverage for herself.

  “I only had one or two… maybe three,” Mika said with a heavy slur in his voice. “I’ve just been waiting for you, my girl.”

  Mika stood and walked over to his wife and kissed her on the neck. Feeling filthy from a long day at work, Hope kissed him back. He began to slide his hands up along her hips and under her shirt rubbing her tight and firm belly.

  “I’m sorry honey. I’m just not in the mood right now. Maybe later,” Hope said as she walked away to put the items in the ice box.

  Mika followed and continued to kiss her neck. “You’re so beautiful. You get me going just the way you are,” Mika pleaded as he slid his hands under her shirt and up to her bra. Kissing her ear, he gently rubbed Hope’s nipples catching her off guard and making her pull away.

  “Honey, I love you so much, but right now I feel gross. Let me take a quick shower. I’ll be right back,” Hope said annoyed at his persistence.

  “But you’re my wife and so sexy I can’t help myself. Come here girl,” Mika replied not letting the issue drop. “I’ve had a long day too.”

  Hope put away the remaining food and walked out of the kitchen. “No really. I’ll be right back,” Hope said while Mika continued to follow.

  “Hope, I’m your husband. Come on don’t tease,” Mika said as he grabbed Hope’s fragile arm. “I just want to lie down with you.”

  Hope’s annoyance turned to concern as Mika again started kissing her neck. He took her hand as slid it down upon the erection that had formed in his pants. “Mika, I’m not in the mood,” Hope pleaded.

  Mika then spun Hope around and forcefully removed her shirt exposing her bra and naked skin. Pulling Hope to the couch he started to rub her breasts, pushing her bra aside.

  “Mika no! Not now!” Hope cried out as the savage man snarled in ecstasy. Hope stood up throwing Mika off balance sending him to the floor with a thud.

  “Hope, you’re my wife,” Mika shouted as he tried to grab her arm but ended up with a section of her hair. He pulled her hard as she screamed in pain.

  “Ouch… Mika! That hurts!”

  Mika remained focused on Hope, enveloped by desire. Hope reached up and slapped Mika right in the face hoping the attack would end. Mika eyes darkened as his face deformed in anger.

  “Hope, shut up!” Mika screamed as he struck her on the side of her head. He pealed her pants down and ripped off her underwear. “I’m your husband. I’m not some stranger Hope!” Mika yelled as he roughly pushed himself inside her. Hope’s body collapsed on the couch unable or unwilling to fight as Mika violated their marriage.

  The following weeks blurred for Hope, filled with apologies and justifications. She felt like she was lost in a dream. Hope couldn’t forget the power Mika asserted as he demanded her body. Her love for Mika disappeared. Having nowhere else to go, Hope continued to go through the motions of normal life, her spirit broken. She focused on work and the business she’d built knowing the people of the town needed her. She had agreed to make a dress for Joy, and that become her single obsession. With so much ugliness in her life, she was determined to make the most perfect wedding gown for Joy’s big day.

  “Don’t worry so much Joy. It’ll be ready,” Hope said trying to assure the young girl.

  “I know it will. I just want everything to be perfect. I’ve been dreaming about this forever,” Joy said with a clinched stressful jaw. “Nothing else is the way I thought it would be… but the dress, the dress I can control, and it has to be perfect.”

  Hope quietly hemmed the luxurious fabric, expertly hiding her stitches, focused deeply on the perfection of her work. Suddenly, Hope was aware that Joy was softly weeping.

  “This is all wrong. I don’t even love him. I keep telling people that, but they push me anyway,” Joy said. “Why don’t I have a choice?”

  Hope stood to her feet and looked into Joy’s eyes. “Sweetie, why are you marrying Alec then?” Hope said ignorant of the situation.

  “Mr. Begich told me it was all taken care of and that someday I will love him. The town sets these things up sometimes. It’s their tradition – part of the Law,” Joy explained with panic and fear in her eyes. “But I don’t love him.”

  Hope understood the town Law and knew that some marriages are arranged, but to actually see it now broke her heart. She felt terrible and knew she couldn’t leave her best friend in her time of need.

  “What can we do?” Hope asked knowing there was no way to fight the Law.

  “There’s nothing to do. I just don’t love him,” Joy said feeling defeated.

  “There is something. You could run,” Hope said in a panicked and hushed voice. “Run far from here.”

  Joy looked at Hope as if she had lost her mind. “Where am I going to go? You’re the only family I have,” Joy said drying her eyes. “I don’t even have money.”

  “Gather up your things and meet me at the tracks at eleven o’clock tomorrow morning. You can catch the morning train out,” Hope whispered believing her plan was the best thing for her young friend. “Just meet me at eleven.”

  Eleven o’clock came and went as Hope stood in the busy train station. She knew that at eleven fifteen the last train to St. Louis leaves the station for the day. Standing alone, she studied the people of New Providence living their lives as they ignored the dangers of the society they had built. Then a small tap on Hope’s shoulder electrified her spine making her jump.

  “You came!” Hope said as she shuffled Joy off to the side of the station’s lobby.

  “I’m here, but I still don’t know what I’m supposed to do,” Joy said holding her small bag. “I can’t just run away.”

  “Joy, I’ve never been as sure about anything else in my life. You’ve got to get out of here. You’re so young with so much life ahead of you. I don’t want you to fall into something you don’t want. Each of us needs to find happiness. Without that… I can’t see many reasons to go on day after day,” Hope urged as she gave the fresh ticket to Joy. “Here, this will take you to St. Louis. From there, you dec
ide where you’re going next. Take this too. It should help you for a while.” Hope handed Joy a sack filled with silver coins as she hugged the young girl. “This is all I have, but it should be enough to get you pretty far,” Hope said with tears in her eyes.

  Joy reluctantly climbed the iron stairs into the rusted passenger train. She looked back for a moment finding the strength to wave good-bye to Hope. As the train whistled ready to embark, Hope looked at her best friend through the small train car window hoping somehow they would meet again.

  Chapter 7

  Transitions

  The steel wheels clattered across the rusted track as the rotten wood ties shook, supporting the exhausted train. Joy sat motionless in her seat looking out the window while images of the once great country flashed by in atrophy. She thought back on her time in New Providence and the moments of joy and laughter she’d enjoyed. She also thought of Hope and the stories she told of her childhood back in Ocean City, Maryland. Hope would go on and on painting such beautiful images of life as she told her stories. She then thought of Alec. Although she didn’t love him, they had spent so much time together and she felt terrible for what she had done. Joy shrunk in her seat as tears formed in her young eyes. She was alone and scared, wondering what the future had in store.

  With a hiss, the train stopped in St. Louis. The nine hour trip left Joy feeling tired and hungry. She stepped onto the platform not knowing if she had the strength to move on. The station was strangely busy with travelers from all walks of life. Joy studied each person as they prepared for their journey into the unknown. Even though the station was busy, it was eerily quiet aside from the hundreds of footsteps back and forth. She could see the focus among the passengers as they determined their destinations.

  As Joy made her way through the congested stairways, she saw two women near the exit of the train station. One of them was in her early thirties while the other was closer to forty-five years old. Both were sitting, playing music, panhandling for spare change. Joy noticed how beautiful the older woman was despite the fact she looked fifthly and in need of a bath. Her clear blue eyes looked kind and gentle, but the lines on her face told stories of struggle and disappointment. Joy walked by giving a guilty grin and two small silver coins as she passed.